Alright, man I love making huge threads of love that I usually forget about and they crumble beneath the piles of spam and non-gay male love posts, that eventually get locked in Z's secret room, or shoved in a giant box of condoms, refer to Z's video for the giant box of condoms.
Alright here goes.
Ctrl + F (the text below to find the sections) The Show/Movie/Kickass MUSIC Videos = TD0
Links = TD1
Pictures = TD2
Albums/Songs/Lyrics = TD3
Pick of Destiny (Newest Album)
Kickapoo
Classico
Baby
History
The Government Totally Sucks
Master Exploder
The Divide
Papagenu (He's My Sassafrass)
Dude (I Totally Miss You)
Break In-City (Storm The Gate!)
Car Chase City
Beelzeboss (The Final Showdown)
POD
The Metal
"Kickapoo"
[Jack Black (Narrator)]
A long ass fuckin' time ago,
In a town called Kickapoo,
There lived a humble family
Religious through and through.
But yay there was a black sheep
And he knew just what to do.
His name was young J.B. and he refused to step in-line.
A vision he did see-eth
Fuckin' rockin' all the time.
He wrote a tasty jam and all the planets did align
[Jack Black (Son)]
Oh the dragons balls were blazin' as I stepped into his cave,
Then I sliced his fuckin' cockles,
With a long and shiney blade!
'Twas I who fucked the dragon,
Fuckalize sing-fuckaloo!
And if you try to fuck with me,
Then I shall fuck you too!
Gotta get it on in the party zone!
I gots to shoot a load in the party zone!
Gotta lick a toad in the party zone!
Gotta suck a chode in the party zone!
[Crying]
[Meat Loaf (Father)]
You've disobeyed my orders, son,
Why were you ever born?.
Your brother's ten times better than you,
Jesus loves him more.
This music that you play for us comes from the depths of hell.
Rock and roll's The Devil's work, he wants you to rebel.
You'll become a mindless puppet;
Beelzebub will pull the strings!
Your heart will lose direction,
And chaos it will bring.
You'd better shut your mouth,
Better watch your tone!
You're grounded for a week with no telephone!
Don't let me here you cry,
Don't let me hear you moan!
You gotta praise The Lord when you're in my home!
[Jack Black (Son)]
Dio can you hear me?
I am lost and so alone.
I'm askin' for your guidance.
Won't you come down from your throne?
I need a tight compadre who will teach me how to rock.
My father thinks you're evil,
But man, he can suck a cock.
Rock is not The Devil's work,
It's magical and rad.
I'll never rock as long as I am stuck here with my dad
[Ronnie James Dio (Dio poster)]
I hear you brave young Jaybles,
You are hungry for the rock.
But to learn the ancient method,
Sacred doors you must unlock.
Escape your father's clutches,
And this oppressive neighborhood.
On a journey you must go,
To find the land of Hollywood!
In The City of Fallen Angels,
Where the ocean meets the sand,
You will form a strong alliance,
And the world's most awesome band.
To find your fame and fortune,
Through the valley you must walk.
You will face your inner demons.
Now go my son and rock!
[Jack Black (Narrator)]
So he went from fuckin' Kickapoo With hunger in his heart;
And he journeyed far and wide to find the secrets of his art;
But in the end he knew that he would find his counterpart.
Rooooock. Rah-ha-ha-ha-hock. Raye-yayayayaye-yock
"Classico"
Can't you see he's the man, let me hear you applaud
he is more than a man he's a shiny golden god.
If you think it's time to fucking rock, and fucking roll, out of control,
well then you know you got to rock the block,
and fucking suck my fucking cock,
'cause when you rule, you fucking school all of the fools, out of their jewels,
'cause if you think it's time,
if you think it's time,
if you think it's time to fucking rock.
He is going to kick your fucking ass,
and you know his name is Kyle Gass,
rocking and fucking rolling,
and fucking rocking,
and fucking rolling,
and fucking [vocal solo]...
"Baby"
I can't get to sleep tonight
No matter how hard I try
Cause it's cold and it's dark
And the wind is a whistlin'
And I can't seem to put out the light
Momma's been searching for baby
But baby been tryin' to get home
Cause it's cold and it's dark
And the moon cannot light the way
And Daddy's gone, bye bye
I'm just a babyyyyy
[crying]
[JB]
I've had this birthmark since I was born,
It's the name of our fucking band dude.
[KG]
I have an ass mark too
"History"
This is a song called the history of Tenacious D
And its not just a list of bullshit that we've done in the past
It's a chronicling of our rise, to power!
We ride with kings on mighty steeds
Across the devils plain
We've walked with Jesus and his cross
He did not die in vain, NO!
We've run with wolves, we've climbed K2
Even stopped a moving train
We've traveled through space and time my friends
To rock this house again, rock!!
We ride and we ride and we'll never subside
And we'll ride till the planets collide
And if you say that we do not ride
I'll tan you're fucking hide, ride!!
Kyle's fingers be silver, Jacks voice then be gold
But lest you think we're vain
We know you're all robots and we don't care
Tenacious D, we reign!
We rei-eign, supreme, ooooh god!!
Burrito supreme, and a chicken supreme
And a cutlass supreme
Supreeeeeme yeaaaaaah
go now Kyle! 1-2-3
Supreme!!!
"The Government Totally Sucks"
The government totally sucks
You motherfucker
The government totally sucks
Ben Franklin was a rebel indeed
He liked to get naked while he smoked on the weed
He was a genius but if he was here today
The government would fuck him up his righteous A!
Now let me tell you something about the government (uh huh)
They're fucking up the environment (say what?)
They're taking all the fucking beautiful animals (yeah?)
And making them fucking extinct (oh no!)
The government totally sucks
You motherfucker
The government totally sucks
The government totally sucks
Cos the land of love and freedom,
Is just a baby's breath away
And if we hold hands together
We can bring back the USA
The USAAAAAA, yeah!
Bring back the USAAAA, yeah!
The fucking USAAAA yeah!
Bring back the US!
Government totally sucks!
[Lee] That was amazing, you changed people's lives tonight!
[JB] yeah it was awesome, compared to bullshit!
"Master Exploder"
Aaah! Arghhh!
I do not need, (he does not need)
a microphone (a microphone)
My voice is fuckin, (fuckin)
Powerful!!
Aaah!! Arghhh!
Sorry
I did not mean, (he did not mean)
to blow your mind (to blow your mind)
But that shit happens to me,
all the time!
Now take a look (take a look)
tell me what do you see? (tell me what do you see?)
We've got the Pick of Destiny!
AAAH! Arghhh!!
"The Divide"
What's it gonna be Kyle?
You have to decide.
Tits or destiny?
Tits.
Whooooahahaha! Ahhh!!!
WHYYYY GO!!
"Papagenu (He's My Sassafrass)"
[Sasquatch] Arrgggghhhh!
[JB] Arrrggghhhh!
[Sasquatch] That's good, lets go an adventure,
[JB] Yeah, la la la
[Sasquatch] I've got lots to show you, la la la
[JB] Can i be a sasquatch too? la la la
[Sasquatch] You already are la la la you're my son JB, my wittle baby sass, la la la la la la la la la la la la
[JB] Ahhh.
[Sasquatch] Lets take a dip in the strawberry river, (la la la)
[JB] Yay!
[Sasquatch] C'mon! (C'mon baby lets go!)
Here we go, here we go, here we go,
Ooh la la la, oo papagenu, he's my papasass!
Ooh la la la, oo papagenu, he's my sassafrass!
Here we go, here we go, here we go,
Ooh la la la, oo papagenu, he's my papasass!
Ooh la la la, oo papagenu, he's my sassafrass!
[JB] Wheeeee!
[Sasquatch] We're flying!
[JB] We're flying!
[Sasquatch] Hold on boy!
[JB] Down where the sasquatch hide,
In the misty mountainside,
He's got shiny diamonds that he's got to protect,
Look into the sasquatch eye,
Did you know that sass could fly?
Sasquatch is my daddy and he's going to protect, me!
Half man, half machine,
On the cover of a magazine,
Bigfoot is my father and he's got to protect, me!
These lyrics don't make sense,
Think i've found the evidence,
That yeti is my papa and he wants to protect, me!
"Dude (I Totally Miss You)"
Dude, i totally miss you
I really fucking miss you
I'm all alone,
All the time, all the time
Dude, i totally miss you
The things we did together
Where have you gone?
Totally miss the honesty
And special times, and honestly
I totally miss the fucked up thing ya do
Dude, i totally miss you
I totally miss you
Dude, i totally miss you
All the time
Ahhhhhhhhhh, aaaaaah
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, aaaaaah
aah ya-he haaa.
Totally miss the honesty
And special times, and honestly
I totally miss the fucked up thing ya do
Dude, i totally miss you
I totally miss you
Dude, i totally miss you
All the time
"Break In-City (Storm The Gate!)"
The mission is clear,
i'm going over there
I'm going to do the mission
I flip around the corner,
flat as a pancake
And then i- oh noo! A camera
Stay back here,
devise a plan
Dive into the bushes
Against all odds
Infiltrate,
storm the gates!
storm the gates!
Ninja style,
samuri (Storm the gates!)
Metal pole,
climb that shit (Storm the gates)
Climb into that mother-fucker
Now i'm climbin up,
up on the roof
I got cat-like reflexes
Against all odds
Infiltrate,
oh! storm the gates!
Two air-vents on the roof,
thats what the guy was talkin a- Shit!
Electric Eye
Infiltrate,
storm the gates!
storm the gates!
storm the gates!
"Car Chase City"
Car chase city,
That's the name,
Of my game.
It was all proven,
Now its totally lame!
KG really fucking,
Blew us some ass!
Now we're fucking,
Headed for a,
Total collapse!
Car chase city,
Roll away from a bus!
Thought that we wasn't,
But we totally was!
Car chase city,
Now we're off on the map!
Car chase city,
Now I'm takin' a crap!
Now it's getting hairy,
So we're changin' the key.
Never underestimate,
The power of E!
KG fuckin' put his foot on the gas!
If I go to prison, got the Pick in my ass!
Fuck this shit!
It's gone too far!
Kage pull over, let me out of the car!
Car chase city,
Now we're taking the lane!
KG blew it,
Now we're going insane!
Let's rock!
Let's roll!
Let them try to fill up the hole!
Let's rock!
Let's roll!
Car chase city patrol!
Car chase city!
Car chase city-ah!
Car chase city!
Let's rock!
Let's roll!
Car chase city patrol!
Let's rock!
Let's roll!
Just a fuckin' rigmarole!
Uh!
Piss!
Speed!
Tremble!
Oh!
Aagh!
Gas!
Brakes!
Spin it, go Kyle!
So spin it, go Kyle!
S'broke!
Flip it!
Gas!
Nitro!
Go!
Let's rock!
Let's roll!
Car chase city patrol!
Let's rock!
Let's roll!
Just a fuckin' rigmarole!
Let's rock!
Let's roll!
Car chase city patrol!
Let's rock!
Let's roll!
Rockin' was the ulti-mofo!
Uh!
Car chase city!
Car chase city!
Car chase city!
Car chase city!
[Host:] Hey guys, you're running a little late.
There's no spot left. You got any new material?
[JB] What we got's gonna turn your brain to shit.
[KG] Dust off the stage, Open Mic Host. Step aside.
"Beelzeboss (The Final Showdown)"
Beelzeboss
[Beelz] I am complete!
[Both] Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
[Beelz] yes you are fucked, shit out of luck
now I'm complete and my cock you will suck
This world will be mine and you're first in line
you brought me the pick and now you shall both die!
[JB] Wait! Wait! Wait!
you motherfucker
we challenge you to a rock off!
give us one chance to rock your socks off
[Beelz] Fuck, fuck, fuck
the demon code prevents me
from declining a rock off challenge
what are your terms? what is the catch?
[JB] If we win, you must take your sorry ass back to hell.
and also you will have to pay our rent
[Beelz] And what if *i* win?
[JB] then you can take Kage back to hell...
[KG] What?
[JB] trust me Kage, its the only way,
[KG] What the fuck are you talking about?
[JB] to be your little bitch.
[Beelz]
Fine! Let the rock off begin!hahahahaa
I'm the devil i love metal!
Check this riff it's fucking tasty
I'm the devil i can do what i want,
whatever i got I'm gonna flaunt,
there's never been a rock off that I've ever lost
i cant wait to take Kage back to hell
I'm gonna fill him with my hot demon gel
I'll make him squeal like my scarlet pimpernel
[JB] Noooooo!
c'mon Kage bring the thunder
[KG] there's just no way that we can win,
that was a masterpiece.
[JB] listen to me
[KG] he rocks too hard because he's not a mortal man
[JB] goddamn-it Kage,
he gonna make you his sex slave,
you're gonna gargle mayonnaise
unless we bust a massive monster mamma-jam.
[KG] dude, we've been through so much shit,
[JB] deactivated lasers with my dick
[BOTH] now its time to blow this fucker down!
[JB] C'mon Kage now it's time to blow doors down
[KG] I hear you Jables now it's time to blow doors down
[JB] Light up the stage cause its time for a showdown
[KG] We'll bend you over then we'll take ya to brown town
[BOTH] Now we've got to blow this fucker down
[KG] He's gonna rape me if we do not blow doors down
[JB] C'mon Kage cause it's time to blow doors down
[KG] Oh we'll piledrive ya, it's time for the smackdown
[JB] Hey anti-christ-er, Beelzeboss,
we know your weakness our rocket-sauce
we rock the casbah, and blow your mind
we will defeat you, for all mankind
you hold the scepter,
we hold the key
you are the devil,
we are the D [18x]
[Beelz]
You guys are fuckin' lame. Come on Kage, You're coming with me.
Taste my lightning fuckers!
[Tenacious D:]
[JB] NO!
[Beelz]
ow! Fuck!
My Fuckin' horn!
oh no!
[JB] From whence you came you shall remain,
until you are complete again
[Beelz]
No! Fuck you Kage and Fuck you Jables!
I'll get you Tenacious D!
"POD"
Cause it's the Pick of Destiny child,
you know we will be rockin' cause it's fuckin' insane.
It's just the Pick of Destiny child,
More precious than a diamond on a platinum chain.
In Venice Beach there was a man named Kage.
When he buskin he was all the rage.
He met Jables and he taught him well.
All the techniques that were developed in hell.
Cock-pushups and the power slide.
Gig simulation now there's nowhere to hide.
They formed a band they named Tenacious D.
and then they got the Pick Of Destiny.
Cause it's the Pick of Destiny child,
you know we will be rockin' cause it's fuckin' insane.
It's just the Pick of Destiny child,
our tasty moves are better than a chicken chow mein.
Cause he who is sleazy,
is easy to pleasy.
and she who is juicy,
must be loosy-goosey.
and he who is groovy,
will be in my movie, so come on!
The wizard and the demon had a battle royale,
The demon almost killed him with an evil kapow.
But then he broke his tooth,
and thus the demon said Ow.
Cause it's the Pick of Destiny child,
you know we will be rockin' cause it's fuckin' insane.
It's just the Pick of Destiny child,
you know our movie's better than a Citizen Kane
Cause he who's a geezer,
must live in my freezer.
and she who is snarky,
is full of malarkey.
and he who is groovy,
must be in my movie, so come on!
Cause if you're a diva,
then go to Geneva.
and if you're a croney,
then suck on my boney.
and if you are groovy,
then get in my movie,
It's called the Pick of Destiny.
It's called the Pick of Destiny!
"The Metal"
You can't kill the metal
The metal will live on
Punk-Rock tried to kill the metal
But they failed, as they were smite to the ground
New-wave tried to kill the metal
But they failed, as they were stricken down to the ground
Grunge tried to kill the metal Ha,hahahahaha
They failed, as they were thrown to the ground
Aargh! yeah! [x2]
[Singing]
No-one can destroy the metal
The metal will strike you down with a vicious blow
We are the vanquished foes of the metal
We tried to win for why we do not know
New-wave tried to destroy the metal, but the metal had its way
Grunge then tried to dethrone the metal, but metal was in the way
Punk-rock tried to destroy the metal, but metal was much too strong
Techno tried to defile the metal, but techno was proven wrong
Yea!
Metal!
It comes from hell!
Tenacious D (Old Album)
Kielbasa
Tribute
Wonderboy
Fuck Her Gently
Explosivo
Dio
Kyle Quit The Band
The Road
Lee
Friendship
Karate
Rock Your Socks Off
Double Team
City Hall
"Kielbasa"
[spoken]
[KG:] Dude, we gotta fuckin' write something new. C'mon.
[strums]
[JB:] I don't like that. So far ba--, off to a bad start.
[strums again]
[JB:] Better, closer, warmer.
[strums again]
[JB:] That's it. Okay.
[sung]
I love ya baby but all I can think about is
Kielbasa sausage, your butt cheeks is warm.
I check my dipstick, you need lubrication honey,
My kielbasa sausage has just got to perform.
Now get it on!
I see you walkin', but all I can think about is
Dianetics, your butt cheeks is warm.
I check my dipstick, you need lubrication honey,
My kielbasa sausage has just got to perform.
Now I've been set loose-ah,
I'm shooting my juice-ah,
Right in your caboose.
Now fuckin' get it on!
Now get it on.
Get it on!
Dianetics cure ya much better than Krishna,
Dianetics cure ya much better indeed,
And all you people here you're tremendous,
(Except the people in the middle),
And you're smokin' up a big-ass bowl of weed
With me, me and KG.
All right!
Oh yeah,
All right! Oh my God!
All the ladies in the house say yeah (yeah),
C'mon, you muthafucka say a prayer (prayer),
When ya fight, ya gotsta fight fair,
You muthafucka, ho, you muthafucka,
You know what time it is?
Tenacious D time, you muthafucka, go!
Fuck yeah!
Yeah, yeah!
[spoken]
Dude, that was TNT.
"Tribute"
[Spoken]
This is the greatest and best song in the world... Tribute.
Long time ago me and my brother Kyle here,
we was hitchhikin' down a long and lonesome road.
All of a sudden, there shined a shiny demon... in the middle... of the road.
And he said:
[Sung]
"Play the best song in the world, or I'll eat your soul." (soul)
[Spoken]
Well me and Kyle, we looked at each other,
and we each said... "Okay."
[Sung]
And we played the first thing that came to our heads,
Just so happened to be,
The Best Song in the World, it was The Best Song in the World.
Look into my eyes and it's easy to see
One and one make two, two and one make three,
It was destiny.
Once every hundred-thousand years or so,
When the sun doth shine and the moon doth glow
And the grass doth grow...
Needless to say, the beast was stunned.
Whip-crack went his Whoopy tail,
And the beast was done.
He asked us: "(snort) Be you angels?"
And we said, "Nay. We are but men."
Rock!
Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh-ah-ah,
Ohhh, whoah, ah-whoah-oh!
This is not The Greatest Song in the World, no.
This is just a tribute.
Couldn't remember The Greatest Song in the World, no, no.
This is a tribute, oh, to The Greatest Song in the World,
All right! It was The Greatest Song in the World,
All right! It was the best muthafuckin' song the greatest song in the world.
[2-part skat]
[Spoken]
And the peculiar thing is this my friends:
the song we sang on that fateful night it didn't actually sound
anything like this song.
[Sung]
This is just a tribute! You gotta believe it!
And I wish you were there! Just a matter of opinion.
Ah, fuck! Good God, God lovin',
So surprised to find you can't stop it.
[Skat]
All right! All right!
"Wonderboy"
High above the mucky-muck, castle made of clouds,
There sits Wonderboy, sitting oh so proudly.
Not much to say when you're high above the mucky-muck.
Yeah, yeah.
Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power?
Wonderboy, won't you take me far away from the mucky-muck man?
[spoken]
Now it's time for me to tell you about Young Nastyman,
archrival and nemesis of Wonderboy, with powers comparable to Wonderboy.
What powers you ask? I dunno how 'bout the power of flight?
That do anything for ya? That's levitation, holmes.
How 'bout the power to kill a yak from 200 yards away...
with mind bullets! That's telekinesis, Kyle.
How 'bout the power to move you?
[sung]
History of Wonderboy and Young Nastyman,
Riggah-goo-goo, riggah-goo-goo.
A secret to be told, a gold chest to be bold,
And blasting forth with three-part harmony, yeow!
Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power?
Wonderboy, won't you take me far away from the mucky-muck man?
[spoken]
Well, Wonderboy and Young Nastyman joined forces;
they formed a band the likes of which have never been seen,
and they called themselves Tenacious D. That's right,
[sung]
Me! And KG!
[KG (spoken):] That's me.
[sung]
We're now Tenacious D!
Come fly with me, fly!
Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power?
Wonderboy, won't you take me far away from the mucky-muck man,
Oh!
[spoken]
Take my hand!
Young Nastyman, and we'll fly!
Bring out your broadsword.
There's the hydra.
Slice his throat!
And grab his scroat.
You take the high road,
I'll take the low.
There, the crevasse,
Fill it with your mighty juice.
"Fuck Her Gently"
This is a song for the ladies
But fellas listen closely
You don't always have to fuck her hard
In fact sometimes that's not right to do
Sometimes you've got to make some love
And fuckin give her some smoochies too
Sometimes ya got to squeeze
Sometimes you've got to say please
Sometime you've got to say hey
I'm gonna Fuck you softly
I'm gonna screw you gently
I'm gonna hump you sweetly
I'm gonna ball you discreetly
And then you say hey I bought you flowers
And then you say wait a minute sally
I think I got somethin in my teeth
Could you get it out for me
That's fuckin teamwork
Whats your favorite posish?
That's cool with me
Its not my favorite
But I'll do it for you
Whats your favorite dish?
Im not gonna cook it
But ill order it from Zanzibar
And then I'm gonna love you completely
And then I'll fuckin fuck you discreetly
And then I'll fucking bone you completely
But then I'm gonna fuck you hard
Hard
"Explosivo"
Climb upon my faithful steed,
Then we gonna ride,
gonna smoke some weed.
Climb upon my big-ass steed,
And ride, ride, ride.
Weeee-eee-eee-eeeee-eeeee-eee-eee-eeeee-eeeee-eeeee-eeeee,
What's the name of the song,
Explosivo!
Don't know what it's about,
But it's good to go.
What's the name of my girlfriend
I don't know,
But she's built like the shit
And she's good to go, go,
She's good to go,
She's good to go.
We are fuelled by Satan,
Yes we're schooled by Satan.
Fuelled by Satan!
Writin' those tasty riffs
just as fast as we can.
Schooled by Satan!
We were the inventors
of the cosmic astral code.
We've come to blow you away,
We've come to blow your nose.
We've come to fuckin' blow,
We've come to blow the show.
We've come to fuckin' blow,
You know it, you know it!
Weeee-eee-eee-eeeee-eeeee-eee-eee-eeeee-eeeee-eeeee-eeeee,
What's the name of the song,
Explosivo!
Don't know what it's about
But it's good to riddle-ah!
[spoken]
I am not one of you. I come from an ancient time.
I am known as The Kicker of Elves. I am also known as The Angel Crusher!
Explosivo.
"Kyle Quit The Band"
Last week, Kyle quit the band,
Now we're back together, uh.
Misunderstanding, didn't understand.
It doesn't matter, now we're back together again.
A-la la la la la.
Couldn't split up Kato and Nash. (that's true)
Couldn't split up Tango and Cash.
That's also true!
This is our song of exultant joy because
We only came to kick some ass.
Rock the fuckin' house and kick some ass.
What we gonna do with all the cash?
Smoke hash, and then we thrash.
We'll throw a big ol' bash y'all.
And everyone is invited to the bash.
And everyone you're all invited to the bash!
C'mon Kyle, one time c'mon!
[skat]
"Dio"
Dio has rocked for a long, long time,
Now it's time for him to pass the torch.
He has songs of wildebeests and angels,
He has soared on the wings of a demon.
It's time to pass the torch,
You're too old to rock, no more rockin' for you.
We're takin' you to a home,
But we will sing a song about you.
And we will make sure that you're very well taken care of.
You'll tell us secrets that you've learned. Raow!
Your sauce will mix with ours,
And we'll make a good goulash baby.
Dio, time to go!
You must give your cape and scepter to me.
And a smaller one for KG.
Go! Go! Dio! Dio!
"Lee"
Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee,
Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee,
We're talkin' fuckin' Lee.
I had a friend named Lee,
He cast a spell a spell on me.
If me and Lee and KG could be three,
Flyin' free Tenaciously,
Skinny-dippin' in a sea of Lee,
I'd propose on bended knee
To Lee Lee Lee, Lee Lee Lee,
Lee Lee,
Lee Lee Lee, Lee Lee Lee,
Lee Lee,
Le-Lut-Le-Le-Le-Lee Lee Lee,
Le-Lut-Le-Le-Le-Lee Lee,
If me, and Lee, and KG, (that's me)
Could be three, (could be three)
Plant a tree, (plant a tree)
Just for Lee, (just for Lee)
Just for Lee, (Lee)
Just for Lee!
Lee, Lee, Lee: ["Psycho" Knife Song style, 16X]
Leeee, Leeee, Leeee:
LEE!
"Friendship"
Friendship is rare,
Do you know what I'm sayin' to you?
Friendship is rare.
My derriere,
When you find out much later
That they don't really care.
It's rare to me, can't you see?
It's rare to me, can't you see?
Oh shit there's a bear,
Could you hand me that shotgun buddy,
Also that chair?
We're fighting a bear
Now your life's in grave danger
And you don't even care.
It's rare to me, can't you see?
It's rare to me, can't you see?
It's rare to me,
Say a prayer for me,
'Cause it's rare to be
In Tenacious D.
Friends will be friends
They're running naked in the sand,
Friends holding hands
Will someday surely form a band,
Friends will be friends
They say that friends are friends
To the bitter end.
Long-as-there's-a-record-deal-we'll-always-be-friends!
Long-as-there's-a-record-deal-we'll-always-be-friends!
Friends will be friends
They're running naked in the sand,
Friends holding hands
Will someday surely form a band,
Friends will be friends
They say that friends are friends
To the bitter end.
Long-as-there's-a-record-deal-we'll-always-be-friends!
Long as there's a record deal we'll always be friends, yeah
"The Road"
The road is fuckin' hard,
The road is fuckin' tough-ah,
There's no question that-eh
It is rough, rough stuff.
It's the fuckin' road my friend
But it's the only road I know.
When I'm lunchin' on a tasty boosh
Right after the show.
You g-go go go!
The road is fuckin' hard,
It's also really fuckin' tough,
There's no question that
It don't take no guff.
The road is a be-a-itch my friend
But it's the only fuckin' road I know,
When I'm snackin' on a tasty boosh
Right after the show.
You g-go go go!
I met a tasty baby in Michigan.
We screwed two times then I left.
Sometimes I think of my baby in Michigan.
Why can't I stay in one place
For more than two days.
Why?!
Because I'm talkin' about the road. [5X]
Road!
"Karate"
With karate I'll kick your ass
Here to Tiennamen Square.
Oh yeah, muthafucka,
I'm 'onna kick your fuckin' derriere.
You broke the rules,
Now I'll pull out all your pubic hair,
You muthafucka.
You muthafucka.
Kyle betrayed me
And then he lied tried to hide
And I died deep inside
And you know the reason why.
I'm 'onna kick your ass
From here to right over there.
Oh yeah muthafucka,
I'm 'onna kick your fuckin' derriere.
You broke the rules,
Now I'll pull out all your pubic hair,
You muthafucka.
You muthafucka.
"Double Team"
[spoken]
Damn, a hard day's rockin'. Better slip off ma shoes.
Maybe give a little stretch, and a bend.
Dip m'toe to jacuzzi, baby. Slip out this book:
The Buttress of Windsor. Ho ho ho, who's this? How's it goin'?
[sung]
That's the first thin' I say to you.
How's it goin'? Are you flowin'?
Listen honey,
Thinkin' 'bout a couple things to say to you,
Showin', growin',
Man I'd like to place my hand
upon your fuckin' sexy ass and squeeze.
And squeeze!
Take off your blouse,
And your underpants,
Then take a look,
'Cause here me and KG come naked,
Out of the side-hatch,
With the oils and perfume and incense.
Now you're groovin',
Put on a cool '70s groove.
A funky groove to fuck to.
A funky groove to fuck to.
Me, me and KG,
It's all about sex supreme,
We likes to cream jeans. (sex)
Have you ever been worked on
By two guys who are hot for your snatch? (sex)
That's what I'm offerin' you.
You step into our room,
And then you smell the perfume,
You lay upon our roundish bed,
And then you feel a tickling on your head.
It's KG with the feather and the French tickler,
Look out baby he got the tools.
And then you feel sumpin' down by your feet.
It's me, it's JB, I'm suckin' upon your toes.
We don't mind sucking on toes!
Good luck finding a boyfriend who sucks toe, ow!
Havin' sex with me and KG,
Now you're talkin' double team supreme.
Let's roll!
Oh!
[2-part:] Ahh, oh!
What! Yeah! Huh! Nah! Oh!
Ah, that's it, that's right, ohmygah, oh-I-think-I'm-gonna, Ohh!
Deht! Deht! Eeee!
...Splooge!
[spoken]
That was the one.
[KG:] Hail Satan!
[JB:] Hail Satan!
[KG:] Hail Satan!
[JB:] Hail Satan!
"City Hall"
All you people up there in City Hall,
You're fuckin' it up for the people that's in the streets.
This is a song for the people in the streets,
Not the people City Hall.
All you motherfuckers in the streets it's time to rise up,
Come along children and fuckin' rise!
Lots of times when me and KG are watchin'
All the fuckin' shit that goes down at City Hall,
We get the feeling we should fuck shit up,
Yeah we should fuckin' start a riot.
A Riot!
We have 'em screaming in the streets,
we have 'em tippin' over shit and breakin' fuckin' windows of small businesses,
and settin' fuckin' fires!
and settin' fuckin' fires!
and settin' fuckin' fires!
[spoken]
And then after the smoke is cleared,
and the rubble has been swept away,
me and KG will peek out our heads.
We've been watching the riots on a monitor twenty floors below sea level,
from a bunker.
We did it Rage-Kage, we beat the bastards of City Hall!
[laughs] But now what will we do?
We must rebuild. But who will lead us in the rebuilding process?
Man, it's got to be someone with the know-how
and the elbow grease to lead us to a new land.
No, not me and KG, we don't have the cognitive capacity to lead...
Alright, we'll do it!
[sung]
We'll lead as Two Kings,
We'll lead as Two Kings.
Ahhhaaa (Two Kings, we'll lead as Two Kings)
Ah-ha ah-how,
We'll lead as Two Kings.
[spoken]
The first decree is to legalize marijuana.
The tyranny and the bullshit's gone on too long.
You old fuckin' shrivs who blocked it's legalization,
you're banished from the land!
[sung]
We'll lead as Two Kings,
We'll lead as Two Kings.
Ahhhaaa (Two Kings, we'll lead as Two Kings)
Ah-ha ah-how,
Lead as Two Kings.
[spoken]
The second decree: no more pollution, no more car exhaust,
or ocean dumpage. From now on, we will travel in tubes!
[sung]
We'll lead as Two Kings, oh, yeah,
We'll fuckin' lead as Two Kings.
[spoken]
Get the scientists working on the tube technology, immediately.
(Tube technology.) Chop, chop, let's go.
[spoken]
Third decree: no more... rich people: and poor people.
From now on, we will all be the same... ummm, I dunno,
I gotta think about that...
[sung]
We'll lead as Two Kings
Ah yeah, ah yeahhhahahaha.
Ha-ha-ho-hee, ha-ha-ho-hee-ha-ha-ho-ho-ho-ho.
[spoken]
[JB:] Oh my God.
[KG:] Ahh... What?
[JB:] Dude, the red phone is flashing.
[KG:] Oh, yeah.
[JB:] Let me scoop that up. Hello? Two Kings.
[KG:] Who is it?
[JB:] What?! No! No fucking way!
[KG:] What?
[JB:] Rage, there's a potato famine in Idaho, you gotta go down there!
[KG:] Oh my God... what?
[JB:] Dude, I gotta stay here!
[KG:] Why do I have to go?
[JB:] Please! Please!
[KG:] Oh, God, okay.
[JB:] Awesome... is he gone? Alright, emergency meeting of Parliament.
All right Parliament, I know this is fucked up,
but Rage, he can't be King anymore.
Dudes, he's encroaching on my decrees!
Seriously, let's make him "Duke," a kick ass "Duke."
Or "leader formerly known as King," but-- uh-oh he's comin' back...
[sung]
We'll lead as Two Kings, oh yes
we'll really lead as Two Kings.
[spoken]
[KG:] Uh, dude?
[JB:] Rage.
[KG:] I went all over Idaho...
[JB:] Yeah?
[KG:] Uh, plenty of potatoes everywhere.
[JB:] What? There was no famine?
[KG:] Yeah, there was no famine, no.
[JB:] Dude.
[KG:] I don't know what's uh...
[JB:] A toast...
[KG:] A toast...
[JB:] Long live the "D."
[KG:] Long live the "D."
[clinking of glasses]
[JB:] Long live me. I'm sorry, I poisoned your wine.
[KG:] What?
[JB:] For the good of the land.
[KG:] You p-- I poisoned yours... huh heh, as well.
[JB/KG:] Noooooooooo!!!!!
No!
[sung]
City, city, city, city, city, city, shitty.
Shitty, city, shitty, shitty, city, city, shitty.
Hall, hall, hall, hall, hall, hall, hall, hall.
People inside me are askin' me to smoke up City Hall,
'Cause no one here is talkin'.
People inside me are askin' me to blow up City Hall,
'Cause no one here is rockin'.
People inside me are askin' me to blow up City Hall,
'Cause everyone is Rock-'em Sock-'em Robots.
Everyone is Rock-'em Sock-'em Robots.
Everyone is Rock-'em Sock-'em GO! OH!
[spoken]
[JB:] Don't, cut that part out.
[KG:] We've got it.
[JB:] Um, do you believe in God?
[KG:] I believe, I believe.
[JB:] You do?
[KG:] I believe in God. I believe in God.
[JB: (laughs)] Y'do--
[KG:] I believe in God.
[JB:] Do you?
[KG:] I believe in God.
Malibu Nights
[KG (spoken):]
Yeah, but you didn't fuckin' come out with this (one)--! [cuts off on "one"]
[KG starts playing]
[JB (spoken):] I got some lyrics.
[sung]
Malibu nights, tangerine dreams,
Malibu neighs, Malibu dreams,
Malibu, makin' a poo.
Stinky poo, lookin'd view.
Because it's time for my breakfast,
It's time for some cheese.
It's time for the stink,
time for the breeze,
time for the... hah-or-eeee!
"Rock Your Socks Off"
[Dave Grohl (spoken):] 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6-6-6!
[sung]
It doesn't matter if it is good,
It only matters if it rocks.
The main thing that we do is to rock your socks off.
There's no such thing as a rock prodigy,
'Cause rock 'n roll is bogus, right KG? (right!)
Only thing that really matters is a classical sauce.
And that's why me and KG are classically trained
To rock your fuckin' socks off!
Give 'em a taste KG.
[KG (spoken):] Okay.
That is Bach and it rocks
It's a rock block of Bach
That he learned in the school
Called the school of hard knocks!
Give it up for KG, give it up for me,
Give it up for KG, give it up for me,
Give it up for rock,
Give it up for blues,
Give it up for everything that is not to lose.
Now rock your socks off woman,
We'll rock your shit up y'all.
Give it up children now to freak your shit out!
All right!
[spoken]
Now I know what a lot of you are sayin':
"I just figured out what I'm 'onna do with the rest of my days.
I'm 'onna get me an oversized guitar, gain forty pounds and be the next D.
" Well I got sour news for you, jack. It ain't that easy.
For instance, are you willing to make the commitment to wakin' up
at the crack a' noon, for deep-knee rock squats!?
Seven or eight at a time!? In a row?
How 'bout are you willing to make the commitment
to rock-hard tasty abs washer-board style?
Glistening in the sun. How 'bout are you willin' to make the commitment,
wakin' up, goin' okay, it's gig time, what t-shirt am I gonna wear?
Can't decide: Can't decide: Brain aneurysm!
We've been through so much bullshit just to be here tonight
to rock your fuckin' socks off. And all we ask in return is so precious little.
All we're askin' you to do is drop trou and squeeze out
a Cleveland Steamer on my chest.
[sung]
2-3-4,
Give it up for KG, give it up for me,
Give it up for KG, give it up for me,
Give it up for rock, give it up for blues,
Give it up for everything that is not to lose.
Now rock your socks off woman,
We'll rock your shit up y'all.
Give it up children won't you freak your shit out!
All right!
[ad-lib hollers & screams]
whats your favorite posit its not cool with me but ill do it for you. whats your favorite dish im not gunna cook it for ya but ill order it from zanzibar
__________________
SAVE WATER DRINK BEER
I love beer...put this in ur sig if u love beer too
Tenacious D *Tenacious Thread* Rock! 
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